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FunStuff > Quotes 1  
Prue Quotes:

Prue: Oh, no, something so much worse than demons. Sisters.
3x01 Honeymoon's over

Prue: You know, you're not exactly the poster boy for teamwork, Cole.
3x16 Death takes a Halliwell

Piper: You know, this trunk would go great at the foot of our bed.
Prue: Yeah, my foot would look great on your butt. You are so not taking that, okay? It holds all of our ritual stuff.
3x17 Pre-Witched

Piper: Okay, was that for good?
Prue: Well, if it wasn't, he's really gonna miss his ear because it looks like part of it's dripping off the clock.
3x17 Pre-Witched

Prue: Listen, I shot a magazine cover yesterday, I had a date last night, and then this morning I am searching for evil. You can't get more balanced than that.
3x18 Sin Francisco

Prue: You don't make demon of the century without having a few tricks up your sleeve.
3x20 Exit strategy

Prue: Wow, I'd forget about my love life if I were you, lately mine's been rated PG for pretty grim.
3x21 Look who's barking

Prue: I am not saving myself for Mr. Right. I mean, Mr Interesting would do, or Mr. Personality, or even Mr. Take-My-Breath-Away. I don't care.
3x21 Look who's barking

Prue: You know, maybe when Phoebe's done saving Cole, she can come back and save us.
3x22 All hell breaks loose

Prue to Leo: And you, why don't you get back up there and White light a fire underneath your bosses butts.
3x22 All hell breaks loose

Grams: I'm thinking more to the left. Uh, is this the biggest arch you could get?
Prue: Without opening a fast food franchise, yeah.
4x15 Marry-go-round

Natalie: You need outfits that are loose and move. That means no more braless, strapless, fearless attire.
Prue: Okay, but then I have nothing to wear.
3x11 Blinded by the whitelighter

Prue: Ugh, innocents and alleys. Don't they ever learn?
3x12 Wrestling with demons

Biker #1: Hey, you've got my money.
Prue: Hey, you have a good memory.
3x15 Just Harried

Prue: I'm the oldest. I'm supposed to do everything first. I'm supposed to talk first and get braces and get a boyfriend and find a husband.
3x13 Bride and gloom

Prue: Alright, well, nothing usually means something, and something usually means a boy, so...
3x10 We all scream for ice-cream

Phoebe: (to Prue) I'm nervous.
Prue: Oh, you know. Witches and trials. It's that whole Salem thing.
3x01 Honeymoon's over

Prue: Ah, any mass vanquishing spells?
3x01 Honeymoon's over

Phoebe: You've known her longer. I mean, there was that whole bonding time before I was even born.
Prue: Okay, she was one and I was three.
What did we bond over? Diapers and drooling?
3x02 Magic hour

Micah: I'm Micah.
Prue: I'm charmed.
3x04 All Halliwell's eve

Piper: Uh, Prue, you don't think Leo lives here do you?
Prue: I mean, yeah, of course he does but, I mean, it's fine as long as you're happy, that's all I really care about, not that I was unhappy when I saw Leo all naked in the shower and just all wet.
2x20 Astral monkey

Phoebe: Yeah, but I gotta hand it to those pesky little demons. They sure have brought us closer together.
Prue: Maybe you should write them a thank you note.
2x21 Apocalypse not

Prue: Yeah, the only magic Phoebe wants to work on him is personal. That's her date.
Piper: Oh. Why do we seem to have a habit of gathering our men at the scene of the supernatural smack down?
Phoebe: It's part of our charm.
2x13 Animal pragmatism

Phoebe grabs Erics arm and flips him. He lands on his back on the floor. She sits on top of him.
Prue: Entertaining guests I see.
2x07 They're everywhere

Prue: You know, you two should be ashamed of yourselves.(She walks up to Jack and slaps him across the face). That's for thinking you could get away with it. (Jeff laughs. Prue slaps him too) And that's for thinking you wouldn't get slapped.
2x07 They're everywhere

Piper: I don't know. Maybe only one set of us can have powers at the same time.
Prue: Thank you Mr Spock
1x17 That 70s episode

Phoebe: Look at me. I am a fashion blunder. A mademoiselle don't. Oh my god, you lost your powers?
Prue: Can't lose what you never had.
(Prue astral projects out of the room.)
Phoebe: I hate when she plays astral games. Marco.
Prue: (from the attic) Polo.
3x06 Primrose empath

Prue: The deputy downstairs told me that your name's Vince. What's your last name?
Vince: Misery.
Prue: Well, in that case would you like some company?
3x06 Primrose empath

Prue: Okay, so, it's time to shower, shampoo, and go kick some Hecate butt.
1x06 The wedding from hell

Prue: I don't obsess, I think intensely
2x03 The painted world

Krell: I am Krell, a Zotar.
Prue: Hi, I'm Prue, a Scorpio.
3x08 Sleuthing with the enemy

Cole: You two seem different.
Phoebe: Different?
Cole: I mean, I thought you were, I don't know, drunk or something before but now you seem...
Prue: Sober. Stairs can be sobering.
3x03 Once upon a time

Prue: You, who can see the future, is now looking for a magic 8 ball.
1x08 The truth is out there and it hurts

Prue: I am so impressed that you can make a protest statement and show cleavage all at the same time.
3x04 Once upon a time

Prue: How can I save anyone? Okay, I look ridiculous. I'm wearing clothes from the ex-boyfriend's pile. I have hair in strange places and I have penis.
2x05 She's a man, baby, a man

Phoebe: Are we okay?
Prue: Not by a long shot. Look, Phoebe, it you waited till now to tell me about Cole in hopes that we would die and you wouldn't have to deal with me, you have another thing coming.
(Prue walk away.)
Phoebe: (to Piper) I think that went well.
Prue: Alright, I am going to win this fight and save your ass. That way I can kick it myself later.
3x12 Wrestling with demons

Real Prue: Phoebe, I'll call you back. I have to go yell at myself.
1x16 Which Prue is it anyway?

Prue: At least I met a really cute guy
Piper: You met a guy?
Prue: Mm-hmm
Piper: As a dog?
Prue: Mm-hmm
Piper: How?
Prue: Well he ran me over
3x21 Look who's barking

Prue: You know this isn't fair. I mean, it's hard enough to find somebody that you can spend the rest of your life with but when you constantly have magic medalling, I am so sick of it. I mean, I've been through it, you're going through it and now Brooke? What love can't conquer we will.
3.02 Magic hour

Piper Quotes

Piper (as spirit): Oh, no. Am I dead again?
7x16 The seven year witch

Piper: I'm sorry. You just lobotomized the love of my life, and you want me to take comfort in what?
7x16 The seven year witch

Piper: Okay. Any ideas?
Phoebe: Oh, I was hoping you'd have some.
Piper: Me? Why me?
Phoebe: Well, because you're the only one who still has any confidence around here.
Piper: Yeah, well, that's just 'cause I'm a good actor.
7x22 Something wicca this way goes

Phoebe: Oh, she's such a pretty dog.
Piper: What else did you expect?
Piper: Oh, honey, watch your orbs.
3x21 Look Who's Barking

Prue: Why do I have to carry the poisonous snake?
Piper: Because you're the oldest.
Prue: So?
Piper: So you've lived a full life.
2x13 Animal pragmatism

Piper: Phoebe, somebody is going to pay you to tell other people what to do. Shut up and be happy.
4x16 The fifth Halliwheel

Piper: You're not really a Halliwell until you've gone demonic on your sisters at least twice.
4x16 The fifth Halliwheel

Paige: How long do you think Phoebe's going to spend down there, anyway? The rest of her natural life?
Piper: Yeah. Long enough to be sure she doesn't shove her tongue down the throat of the next delivery guy.
6x03 Dragon's heat

Leo: This is not a little thing.
Piper: Yeah, well, where the hell were you? Why weren't you watching over his every move up there on your lofty perch?
6x03 Dragon's heat

Piper: Wyatt?
Phoebe: What is he doing? Why is he doing that?
Piper: Apparently, he's trying to scare away all of my dates. You little runt. Did your father teach you that?
6x07 Soul sister

Phoebe: Yeah, A date? Really? Does he know about Wyatt?
Piper: No, and he's not gonna anytime soon. At least not till after the honeymoon.
6x07 Soul sister

Phoebe: Didn't Richard lose it the last time he used magic? I mean, like, really lose it?
Piper: Uh, I can assure you that he stayed in complete control over the garbage disposal.
6x08 Charmed in Camelot

Piper: Do I look like I'm drawn to it, pal?
Mordaunt: You will be in time.
Piper: No. I don't have time to play Queen Arthur.
6x08 Charmed in Camelot

Piper: That is not a friend. That's a demon.
Paige: No, he's just a baby!
Piper: 'Scuse me. Were you at the same vanquish as me? Because it took all three of us to stop its mother.
6x09 Hot mammas

Phoebe: It's just that I miss my family.
Piper: Well, that's good 'cause your family misses you, too. I mean, I don't have a lot of people to hang out with aside from my baby who doesn't really say much and then one really neurotic whitelighter.
6x11 Witchstock

Phoebe: No way. I refuse to believe that Grams ever wore anything this hot.
Piper: Yeah. I figured her more for steel-toed orthopedics, you know, the better to kick your ass with.
6x11 Witchstock

Piper: Ok, new plan. Blast and then bail.
6x13 Used karma

Piper: Yes. Well, that was before Chris informed us that our child was gonna
grow up to be the future of all evil.
6x13 Used karma

Piper: I'm confused. How does cleansing her aura get Jason back?
Paige: No, Phoebe didn't cast the spell. Richard did.
Piper: Richard wants Jason back?
6x13 Used karma

Piper: Ok. Reunion later. Slay now.
6x13 Used karma

Piper: I'm talking about our lives. We can't just drop what we're doing every time somebody's head comes rolling down the stairs.
6x14 The legend of sleepy Halliwell

Genie Phoebe: Ah, ah, ah. The wording's not quite right there
Piper: Hey, I don't need a bossy genie on my back.
6x15 I dream of Phoebe

Piper: At least the darklighter waited till after the party to attack. That was nice of him.
6x16 Midnight rendezvous

Piper: Thanks. Uh ... you know, I rather imagined
meadows, waterfalls, maybe even a harp.
Leo: Well, this isn't the afterlife. It's a ... place before that to ease the transition.
Piper: Mm-hmm. And lucky us, we're stuck here. That is, until our friendly Darklighter helps us move on permanently.
6x16 Midnight rendezvous

Paige: He's just ... distracted, that's all, by, you know, imminent death. (
Piper: That's no excuse.
6x17 Hyde school reunion

Piper: Uh, he was dying, and I was crying, um ... it's all very complicated.
6x17 Hyde school reunion

Paige: Yes, actually, I did. It's the spider demon, an evil creature that
emerges from its hidden lair every 100 years to capture and feed off the most
powerful magical being it can detect. In this case, that would be you.
Chris: And me. Sort of.
Piper: You must be so proud.
6x18 Spin city

Chris: No, no, no. I was just wondering how it went with the doctor.
Piper: Well, you'll be happy to know that you're a boy.
6x18 Spin city Spn city Prue: I thought that you guys went to dinner.

Piper: We did and then for dessert we did a little demon hunting.
2x21 Apocalypse not

Prue: You have ten seconds to leave on your own.
Piper/Terra: Or what? What are you going to do, hit me with another rhyming couplet?
3x09 Coyote Piper

Paige: Then why am I stuck here reading? I should be learning how to body slam sweaty demons like Phoebe.
Piper: Phoebe's been at this a lot longer than you have, but trust me. Be patient and study hard and one day you will get a big sweaty demon of your own.
4x04 Enter the demon

Cole: I guess I should've seen this coming.
Piper: I want my sisters back, Cole.
Cole: Or what? What are you going to do? You can't vanquish me.
Piper: Doesn't mean I won't try.
5x10 The mummy's tomb

Phoebe: I am sorry, I can't. I'm possessed.
Piper: That is not an excuse!
5x13 House call

Piper: Well, my natural instincts are to panic and besides, every other mother-to-be doesn't have to worry about their child orbing out to Tahiti when they are sent to their room. I don't have a clue.
5x03 Happily ever after

Leo: Are you alright? What happened?
Piper: Before or after you were making out with the demon?
5x04 Siren's song

Cole: Wait, w-wait, you're pregnant?
Piper: Well, I was but now I think Leo is.
5x04 Siren's song

Piper: No, Paige, you're a big, fat, unemployed loser who saves the world.
5x06 The eyes have it

Paige: Oh, gross, what are you guys watching? Is that some horror movie?
Piper: No, it's "The Joys Of Home Birthing". Strangely I'm not feeling the joy.
5x06 The eyes have it

Piper: So your new and improved premonitions are just a more vivid way of telling us that we're screwed?
5x06 The eyes have it

Piper: Look, warlocks we can handle, demonic ex-husbands we can not.
5x08 A witch in time

Future Piper: Whoa-whoa-whoa, don't panic, I'm not a demon. Okay, I'm
you, obviously, from the future.
Piper: Apparently not very far in the future, I just bought that top.
5x08 A witch in time

Piper: It's not like I can call a service and ask for a nanny to watch over my little Charmed One while I go off and slay slimy demons.
5x09 Daddy dearest

Piper: Are you telling me she's going to evict someone from their own body? That's rude.
5x10 The mummy's tomb

Phoebe: Yeah, I know that but it's still very tempting. I mean, you could fix your plumbing, I could turn some lawyers into toads.
Piper: Aunt Phoebe, little wiccans have very big ears that can hear you.
5x11 The importance of being Phoebe

Paige: Okay, we need a plan.
Piper: Okay, here it is. We go home, we vomit...
5x11 The importance of being Phoebe

Phoebe: What about water birth? Can we do that at home?
Eve: Sure, we can rent a tub.
Piper: What am I, a dolphin? I'm not giving birth to fish.
5x12 Centennial Charmed

Piper: Are you kidding me? With exploding demons and trampling sisters, this place is a disaster area always. I have no idea what it's going to be like when the baby comes.
5x13 House call

Phoebe: Um, what are we supposed to do about my chainsaw killer?
Piper: Oh, don't worry about him, we'll blow him up before he lays a blade on you.
5x14 Sand Francisco dreamin'

Leo: Piper, what are you doing? You can't freeze the shrink, we're on the
Piper: Yeah, well, forget about the clock, 'cause you know what? We're gonna
need a calendar 'cause this is gonna take months.
5x18 Cat house

Daisy: Who's the sexy beast?
Piper: The beast is married. To me.
5x19 Naughty nymphs

Piper: Well, I guess I'll take your word for it considering you seem to know so much about him. "Enjoys Clark Gable movies", "Favourite dinner: Lamb chops with mint jelly".
Grams: Well, you know me. You never know what could be useful.
Piper: So what do you suggest? That I go to the video store and you get cooking?
5x21 Necromancing the stone

Grams: Oh, don't be so literal. I was just trying to show how much he craves life, the sensuousness of it. Food, drink, sex...Piper: Don't! I don't wanna hear about a dead demon doing the dirty.
5x21 Necromancing the stone

Phoebe: Okay, so where are we?
Piper: Screwed.
5x22 Oh my goddess, part 1

Piper: I need to talk to my husband. I-I appreciate him becoming a magical folk hero for the masses and all, I really do, but enough is enough
5x22 Oh my goddess, part 1

Piper: We'll take our chances, follow the stench.
Phoebe: How?
Piper: I don't know. Get in touch with your inner fish.
5x01 A witch's tail, part 1

Piper: You know what, Grams? You were a lousy liar when you were alive, and now as a ghost, you're worse.
4x01 Charmed again, part 1

Piper: Oh no, Phoebe? A demon has the Book of Shadows. Oh no doesn't quite cover it.
4x03 Hell hath no fury

Piper: Phoebe, why would you even leave her alone with it?
Phoebe: Well, because she's our sister.
Piper: Not for long!
4x03 Hell hath no fury

Piper: You stole our sacred book so you could perform magical plastic surgery on yourself?
4x03 Hell hath no fury

Paige: No, I don't get the shiver from him. Just the house. I think I'm on to something.
Piper: I really think that when you've been a witch for a few months, you'll know the difference between sensing evil and needing a warmer jacket.
4x05 Size matters

Piper: Paige, the Charmed Ones come first!
Phoebe: The Charmed Ones come first?
Piper: It always worked when Prue said it.
4x06 A knight to remember

Phoebe: "Defiant, clever, and independent." That kinda describes Paige, don't you think?
Piper: Yeah, along with stubborn, stubborn, and more stubborn.
4x06 A knight to remember

Phoebe: Us theme, you potion.
Piper: Me peeved, you annoying.
4x09 Muse to my ears

Piper: I swear to god, in the last couple of years we've vanquished more friendships than we have demons.
4x07 Brain drain

Phoebe: Okay, so just start cooking and let that inspire you.
Piper: Now she's Martha Stewart.
4x09 Muse to my ears

Piper: Cole was actually a much safer boyfriend when he was a demon
4x10 A Paige from the past

Phoebe: Yeah, well, I'm late and I need caffeine, so sue me.
Piper: Two weeks of jury duty and suddenly she's lawyery.
4x11 Trial by magic

Piper: I can be a little harsh, but it's part of my charm, you'll learn to love me for it.
4x11 Trial by magic

Paige: Ugh, I hate it when you're right.
Piper: Really? See I usually like it.
4x14 The three faces of Phoebe

Phoebe: Rice? No-no-no-no. We can't throw rice.
Piper: Why not?
Phoebe: Well, because the birds can't digest it. And they will blow up.
Piper: Okay, so we'll throw bird seed.
4x15 Marry-go-round

Piper: Yeah, only Prue could make my wedding day all about her
4x15 Marry-go-round

Phoebe: Okay, so what's going on? Is there a demon convention in San Francisco or what?
Piper: Yes, there is a demonic electoral college, they've called a meeting and they're voting in a new Source.
4x18 Bite me

Piper to the vampire queen: Stay away from us or you'll get an eye full of holy water and a chest full of wood.
4x18 Bite me

Paige: If he looks like a demon and walks like a demon...
Piper: That's ducks, that's not Phoebe's husband.
4x19 We're off to see the wizard

Piper: I can't believe we let that slimy Lord of the Rings wannabe use us.
4x19 We're off to see the wizard

Piper: These are a little more lethal - explosives, paralytics, your garden variety of poisons.
4x20 Long live the queen

Doctor: Have you seen a doctor since you
found out you were pregnant?
Phoebe: I was under the care of a Seer.
Piper: It's kind of like a new age doctor.
4x21 Womb raider

Piper: Unborn babies don't perform magic tricks in the first trimester, Phoebe.
4x21 Womb raider

Piper: I don't know but don't panic, okay, we'll wrap up here and we'll go home and panic.

Piper: And he knew where to find us. What, are we like in the Warlocks Guide of San Francisco?
3x17 Pre-Witched

Prue: I want you to be my maid of honour.
Prue: I mean, it's not like I would actually ask Phoebe.
Piper: So I win by default? Wow, Prue, you really know how to flatter a girl.
3x17 Pre-Witched

Piper: So what is our level of confidence in this plan?
Phoebe: Well, on a scale from one to ten, ten being we whip ass, one being he laughs at us while we're on fire and naked...
Piper: Maybe you should lie to me.
3x17 Pre-Witched

Piper: Yes, as romantic as you make that sound, I would rather fly Air France, than Air Leo.
3x20 Exit strategy

Piper: Prue and Phoebe are the super witches and I just tag along and freeze things
3x21 Look who's barking

Leo: You guys almost died, that's what happened.
Piper: Yeah, well, what else is new?
3x22 All hell breaks loose

Piper: What do you mean? He screamed, he went poof, just like they all do. Third demon in a row, by the way, that I vanquished with my new power, but who's counting?
3x22 All hell breaks loose

Piper: A demon I could have handled, but my big sister ruining my wedding, I can not handle that.
3x15 Just Harried

Leo: Piper, he's gonna kill me when he finds out.
Piper: Oh, don't be ridiculous, you're already dead.
3x14 The good, the bad and the cursed

Phoebe: Hey, if we don't vanquish Eames, can we at least vanquish Natalie?
Piper: Don't tempt me.
3x11 Blinded by the whitelighter

Piper: Gee, Prue, it's only 9:00 and your date's already over? How very Disney of you.
3x13 Bride and gloom

Paige: No! We can't make a scene, we need a plan.
Piper: Okay, alright - here it is. We go home, we vomit, then we find a way to vanquish them both!
5x11 The importance of being Phoebe

Prue: Okay, no matter what, just be supportive. (Piper comes down wearing a very weird black and gold feathered dress.) Wow! Um, you look great.
Leo: Really, really, really great.
Piper: Leo, two really's would have been plenty. I look ridiculous.
3x09 Coyote Piper

Caleb: I'm sort of new in town, and I'm looking to meet someone, someone special. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your phone call to your...
Piper: FiancÚ. Very large, very jealous fiancÚ.
3x10 We all scream for ice-cream

Darryl: Oh, no creepy talk in the precinct. Will you just keep down the creepy talk.
Piper: Darryl, I'm sorry, but what do you want me to say? My sister was just possessed with a supernaturally born killer and my husband is in 1994, and I do not mean in the fashion sense.
4x10 A Paige from the past

Leo: Listen to me, Piper, I told you, I thought this whole thing through.
Piper: Uh huh. Is that why you asked me to marry you in a toilet?
3x02 Magic hour

Piper: Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff.
Phoebe: Sure, why not?
Piper: Well, maybe it's time we tell her about Santa.
3x03 Once upon a time

Phoebe: Okay, here is my stalker list. It's mostly guys that I knew in New York.
Piper: Wow, you were busy in New York.
3x05 Sight unseen

Piper: Seventeen? Prue was a nightmare at that age
2x22 Be careful what you witch for

Dan: There we go. (He turns the towel into a diaper.) How's that?
Piper: Wow, you're like MacGyver with estrogen.
2x11 Reckless abandon

Piper: Well, it's a weekday and Phoebe Halliwell is already at campus, while Prue Halliwell, master of the morning meetings, sultan of scheduling and queen of...
2x13 Animal pragmatism

Prue; Hmm, so I think I'll call this "woman not pretending to look out the window.
Piper: How about "girl about to pour hot tea on sisters head"?
2x18 Chick flick

Prue: Great, wait, you have to know if there's a warlock test.
Piper: How would I know?
Prue: Well, you are a warlock magnet.
they're everywhere

Piper: Dan's not a warlock. No cats have hissed at him, he has not blinked, he has not tried to kill me or my sisters and steal our powers as which you know is a key indicator
2x07 They're everywhere

Piper: Kiss this bitch!
(flowers appear above the Siren's head)
Piper: BAD BABY!
5x04 Siren's song

Phoebe: Piper...
Piper: No! Don't Piper me!
4x20 Long live the queen

Witch: Dammit! Then, if I am not the most powerful witch in the land, who is?
Piper: Take a wild guess.
5x03 Happily ever after

Piper: Phoebs, friendly little tip. Lay off the hairspray, theres a fire starter in the house.
4x12 Lost and bound

Piper: What, I'm supposed to throw out perfectly good flowers 'cause they came from a creep? If that was the rule, we'd never have flowers in this house.
1x17 That 70s episode

Leo: Where's Melody?
Paige: Oh, shes gone
Leo: Gone, as in she left?
Piper: Gone as in she got sucked in to a big red ring by a warlock named what was it?
4x09 Muse to my ears

Phoebe: Gram...
Piper: Mm-hmm. Your destiny still awaits, she says. There's a reason for everything she says. So, now it time to summon her transparent butt back and ask exactly what that reason is.
4x02 Charmed again, part 2

Phoebe: And they'll live happily ever after.
Piper: I wonder if we will.
Prue: Of course we will. Why shouldn't we?
Piper: That's easy for you to say. You'll never greet your husband at the door with "Honey, I think I froze the kids."
1x06 The wedding from hell

Phoebe: Well, tell him to stuff it. Tell him you're taking the night off.
Piper: I know, you're right. I will. (On the phone) Hello, Martin. No--okay. No, it's not a problem. I'll be right there.
Prue: Wow, you told him.
Phoebe: Beware of the wrath of Piper.
1x08 The truth is out there and it hurts

Piper: Then go home and reverse it, Tinkerbell!
3x03 Once upon a time

Phoebe: No. According to the Book Of Shadows, one of our ancestors was a witch, named Melinda Warren.
Piper: And we have a cousin who's a drunk, an aunt who's manic, and a father who's invisible.
1x01 Something wicca this way comes

Prue: Um, okay, well, uh, Piper, I have an idea. So what time is it?
Piper: It's 2:15.
Eva: Oh, you've made a big clock so small. You must possess great magic.
Piper: Just a good credit card
3x04 All Halliwell's eve

Piper: What are we going to do?
Leo: What we always do.
Piper: Talk about it later
4x12 Lost and bound

Leo: We have to talk.
Piper: You bet your whitelighter ass we have to talk!
2x04 The devil's music

Leo: Every time I see you, I love you even more. You're so beautiful. You're so special. I can't imagine my life without you.
Piper: Leo, who are you talking to?
Leo: Me? Uh, nobody, just myself, you know.
Piper: Yourself? You were telling yourself how much you love you?
3x01 Honeymoon's over

Leo: I hate to be bearer of bad news.
Piper: Could you possibly be the bearer of a big hug?
3x02 Magic hour

Prue: (to Darryl) So in the meantime we can just stick together since we are both dateless.
Piper: He's not dateless, he's married. You're dateless 'cause you're picky.
3x04 All Halliwell's eve

Father Thomas: There's nothing you can do. It will find us, and when it does we're all dead.
Piper: Well you're just a ray of sunshine now aren't ya.
3x06 Primrose empath

Piper: Leo, you obviously don't have sisters. One minute you're arguing about something and then suddenly you're arguing about who stole who's Malibu Barbie in 1979!
3x07 Power outage

Prue: Pig's feet.
Piper: Yuck...
Prue: Yuck?
Piper: Yuck...
Prue: So you can slice off a chunk of demon flesh but you can't touch a pig's foot?
Piper: I'm a vegetarian.
Prue: Since when?
Piper: Since now...
3x08 Sleuthing with the enemy

Piper: You know, if I could freeze the two of you, I would, often
3x12 Wrestling with demons

Paige: What the hell happened?
Piper: The freakin' furniture just attacked!
4x07 Brain drain

Piper: So why is Sir Lust-A-Lot after u
Paige: How should I know
Piper: Well, because it's your damn fariy tale and it's alive and frozen in our kitchen
4x06 A knight to remember

Piper: I'm being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower
1x18 Chick flick

Piper: Hey, I have a great idea. Why don't I make a fabulous reunion dinner.
Prue: I'm not hungry.
Phoebe: I ate on the bus.
Piper: Okay, we'll try the group hug later.
1x01 Something wicca this way comes

Piper: Wait a second. Last week we had no dad and now we have two?
1x03 Thank you for not morphing

Piper to Phoebe: Demons now, drooling later.
2x01 Witch trial

Piper: Phoebe, you're overreacting. That's my department.
2x15 Give me a sign

Piper: I'm this super powerful witch who's engaged to a Whitelighter, saving the world from evil on a daily freaking basis, and all these people are going to see is the same pitiful loser who still lives at home with her sisters and her unemployed boyfriend.
3x09 Coyote Piper

Piper: I'll help. Anything to get rid of her.
Phoebe: You mean him.
Piper: Nah. I mean her.
3x11 Blinded by the whitelighter

Piper: Yeah. Sure, why not? We could have another funeral tomorrow. I mean, all the dishes are out and we pretty much know who to invite.
4x02 Charmed again, part 2

Phoebe: Well, I kind of sent him to...
Piper: Timbuktu. It rhymed with undo
4x02 Charmed again, part 2

(Leo orbs in and scares Piper, she blows up her CD player)
Leo: Ok, ok, ok, just relax.
Piper: That's what I was trying to do and then somebody made me blow up my guru.
3x21 Look who's barking
Piper to Leo "Ok, could you give me all the bad news at once? Do you have to keep doling it out for dramatic effect?"
3x21 Look who's barking

Piper: Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm pushing it too far with the wedding?
Prue: Okay, why is Phoebe going to school without her books?
Piper: Okay, why is Prue not answering Piper's question?
3x13 Bride and Gloom

Piper: Yeah, next time get your own damn lipstick.
Prue: I heard that!
Piper: I love you!
Prue: Bite me!
2x07 They're everywhere

Leo: Piper, what are you doing?
Piper: Getting irritated. Who put Lady Attitude in charge?
Leo: She's not in charge.
Piper: Really? 'Cause she's acting like it. I thought Whitelighters were supposed to guide, not dictate.
3x11 Blinded by the withelighter

Piper: Am I okay? Prue is a dog and Phoebe is a banshee. I am not even in the vacinity of okay.
3x21 Look Who's Barking

Leo: Piper, this is completely illegal.
Piper: Yeah? Well, so is marrying a dead guy, okay? (She holds up his death certificate.) Let's not get technical now.
3x20 Exit strategy


Phoebe quotes:

Paige and Phoebe orb into the foyer. The two demons standing in the entranceway to the living room turn around.)
Paige: Oh, goodness.
Phoebe: Hope you guys got a discount on all that leather.
7x17 Scry hard

Paige: You know, I'd really rather not find her, considering I'm the reason she's dead.
Phoebe: Join the club.
7x21 Death becomes them

Phoebe: Thanks. Last time I ride BART for a while. The train, not the guy.
6x18 Spin city

Paige: Yeah. Not a bad guy over there. Is that Nick?
Phoebe: Uh, no, actually, that's Ron
Paige: What, you skip some letters in the alphabet?
Phoebe: Qs are hard to find.
6x18 Spin city

Paige: Oh, my god, you landed one!
Phoebe: She's a genie, not a trout.
6x15 I dream of Phoebe

Phoebe: I could understand running if he didn't love me back, you know? Fight
or flight. It's the nature of the beast.
Piper: Speaking of that --
Phoebe: But he does love me. I know. I felt it, you know? So what's the big deal? Why is he running?
Piper: Well, if it makes you feel any better, you probably won't be alive much longer to worry about it.
Phoebe: Thank you, yes. That makes me feel so much better.
6x09 Hot mammas

Paige: Since when is Piper into Hot Latin Types?
Phoebe: Since I put in the "Hot Latin Type" ingredient.
6x12 Prince Charmed

Piper: Excuse me. Hi. Thanks for coming.
Phoebe: Oh, of course, you know, anything for our little nephew. What exactly are we doing for our little nephew?
6x14 The legend of sleepy Halliwell

Phoebe: Well, if Piper ever gets her memory back, she's gonna kill you.
Chris: Why?
Phoebe: Because she hates wearing those costumes as much as we do.
6x01 Valhalley of the dolls part 1

Phoebe: And we need your help to save him.
Darryl: Sure. You know that. Just ask. Anything.
Phoebe: Great! We just need to borrow your soul for a couple of hours.
Paige: Yeah. We'll give it right back.
Phoebe: It's perfectly safe, really. Your body will just slip into a coma, and as long as we get your soul back in time ...
Paige: ... which we will ...
Phoebe: ... you'll be fine. Just a little headache, that's all. What do you say?
6x01 Valhalley of the dolls part 1

Chris: No. Look, I haven't been a Whitelighter very long, ok, and
healing - it's big, and it takes a while to learn how to do.
Phoebe: Great. Student-lighter.
6x01 Valhalley of the dolls part 1

Piper: Why don't they make a card that says "You used to be my whitelighter and now your wings are clipped and you're sleeping in my club."
Phoebe: Or how about "You snooze you lose and now I'm getting naked with the neighbor."
2x13 Animal pragmatism

Phoebe: All I know is Cole is an angel. He was awesome in that court room yesterday.
Prue: See something you like, sis?
Phoebe: Maybe, or maybe it's just nice to run into someone that's not a college boy. More years, less hormones.
3x01 Honeymoon's over

Craig: How... what... who are you?
Paige: Witch.
Leo: Angel.
Phoebe: Mermaid.
5x01 A witch's tail, part 1

Cole: So, uh, did you get my flowers?
Phoebe: Yep. Sorry I tried to strangle you? Probably not a card that the
florist gets to write every day, huh?
5x04 Siren's song

Piper: Well, he had a great big giant A on his chest, how about A?
Phoebe: I'm telling you, you are not gonna find him in the Book of
Shadows. At a comic book convention, maybe.
Paige: He could still be a demon.
Phoebe: Paige, he was in tights.
5x05 Magic wears a mask

Cole: I think that, uh, someone is trying to drive me crazy.
Phoebe: Well, that makes two of us.
5x07 Sympathy for the demon

Phoebe: I'm sorry, I'm just freaking out. Having an invincible ex-husband is making me really nervous.
5x09 Daddy dearest

Phoebe: Speaking of which, do you think eye of newt would work on the woman that's trying to sue me?
Paige: Is she demonic?
Phoebe: Well, she's demonically stupid.
5x11 The importance of being Phoebe

Phoebe: Don't worry, I will find a way. Where there's a ying there's a yang.
5x13 House call

Piper: Hey, Pheebs, what's cooking?
Phoebe: Oh, if you're talking about Spencer Ricks, not him. I turned him back into the pig that he was..
5x13 House call

Phoebe: Okay, Paige, while unicorns may be very magical and cool, I'm not so sure it's appropriate for a baby. Have you seen those hooves? And how are we gonna baby proof that horn?
5x15 Special delivery

Phoebe: We don't need no stinkin' powers to kick some demon ass.
5x15 Special delivery

Phoebe: Oh, wait a minute, I am stubborn? I am stubborn? Then what are you?
Jason: Stubborn, and a control freak. And pretty arrogant sometimes.
Phoebe: You really know how to take the fun out of a fight now, don't you?
5x17 Lucky Charmed

Jason: You lose something?
Phoebe: Oh, just my brain. And my keys.
5x19 Naughty nymphs

Phoebe: Well, if it makes you feel any better, you didn't miss much with me.
I'm pretty much the exact same person I was back then. I mean, I have a job
now and that's good. But, uh, you know, I'm still living at home, I'm still
single, the only real difference is that I'm five years older. I need to use
more expensive night cream.
5x18 Cat house

Phoebe: Ugh, okay. I think I did something really bad. I slept with my boss.
Piper: Jason?
Phoebe: No, Elise. Yes, of course Jason!
5x19 Naughty nymphs

Phoebe: Hey, do you ever think that maybe your Kazi buddy here can't read?
Kazi Demon: I tried to tell her that.
Phoebe: He did? (Paige writes "Demons lie" on the notepad.) Yeah, but not about literacy.
5x20 Sense and sense ability

Phoebe to Wyatt: You are so cute. Yes you are. Your grandmother is just going to eat you up when she meets you. But no spitting up and none of that toxic poop that you like to do because she hasn't been around babies since she was alive, okay?
5x21 Necromancing the stone

Phoebe: Okay, before you start yelling, let me just explain to you I'm trying to figure out where Jason and I stand, and to do that it requires a lot of phone calls. You're gonna throw that glass at me, aren't you?
Piper: No, honey, I get it. You know, it is a very big phone bill, but if you have to choose between true love and air conditioning, I'd say it's a no brainer.
Phoebe: Who are you and what have you done to my sister?
5x22 Oh my goddess, part 1

A muscly man wearing no shirt, holding a crystal ball walks into the conservatory.
Phoebe: Whoa, check out the size of that Oracle's... ball.
5x22 Oh my goddess, part 1

Phoebe: Well, that should've been your first clue that my sister
sprang from the shallower end of the gene pool.
5x02 A witch's tail, part 2

Phoebe: Phoebeville, and all of it's glory will be abandoned for greater pastures and two lattes.
Prue: Oh, all hail the Queen.
Phoebe: Yay, I love to be hailed.
3x16 Death takes a Halliwell

Piper: Cole, we don't kidnap cops and then hold them against their will.
Phoebe: But we do follow them and protect them against their will. Come on.
3x16 Death takes a Halliwell

Phoebe: I don't understand. You tell a guy that Death is after him and he goes to a cemetery. How smart is that?
3x16 Death takes a Halliwell

Phoebe: Huh, wow, so you're relinquishing control to your little sister. You must really be tired
3x15 Just Harried

Prue: Hi, hey, alright, I need some professional help.
Phoebe: No arguments here.
3x10 We all scream for ice-cream

Phoebe: He's a demonic dog catcher, and he uses ice cream as bait? Great news for the lactose intolerant demons.
3x10 We all scream for ice-cream

Phoebe: What? Do you remember when demons look like demons and innocents look like innocents? Who changed the rules on us?
3x10 We all scream for ice-cream

Piper: You didn't sleep either?
Phoebe: Not a wink. Thank god for make-up.
3x05 Sight unseen

Prue: Yeah, or maybe it was a demon who took them for some weird ritualistic ceremony?
Phoebe: Now would that be the, um, pillow smothering or the lock picking demon?
3x05 Sight unseen

Prue: Alright, let's try and make sure that doesn't happen again. From what they're wearing it looks to be, what, 16-1700's?
Phoebe: Where the life expectancy of the average witch is, what, fifteen minutes?
3x04 All Halliwell's eve

Prue: Hey, uh, it's me.
Phoebe: It's amazing how much stress you can project with so few words, Prue. I will have your precious car home momentarily.
3x03 Once upon a time

Prue: Okay, so it's kind of late and, um, we're all a bit tired so how about we finish up tomorrow?
Phoebe: Now look what you did. You went and turned Prue into the middle child.
3x03 Once upon a time

Phoebe: So, while she is up romping around the clouds with Leo, we've got our wiccan butts flapping around in the wind here.
3x01 Honeymoon's over

Darryl: Nobody's gonna believe anything that sleaze ball has to say. All you have to do is get your story straight.
Phoebe: You mean get our lies straight.
3x01 Honeymoon's over

Piper: So what am I gonna tell him? The last time I saw him he handed me proof that you were killed in 1942. He's gonna expect a reaction from me.
Phoebe: How about "Hey Dan, you're right, I am a necrophiliac."
2x22 Be careful what you witch for

Phoebe: Oh, ypu know, it's your wedding. Shouldn't the first kill be yours?
3x13 Bride and gloom

Phoebe: The only thing we're resisting is the desire to rip you to pieces and have you for lunch.
3x13 Bride and gloom

Andy: I just told you I saw your sister dead and you're relieved?
Phoebe: Andy, it's uh, no secret that we fought at times.
1x16 Which Prue is it anyway

Prue: Oh, I hate cemeteries at night.
Phoebe: I hate cemeteries at day.
1x20 The power of two

Piper: Why are you being so stubborn about this?
Phoebe: Because I'm a Scorpio. What's your excuse?
3x03 Once upon a time

Piper: So if one of'd be ok with the other one.
Phoebe: Absolutely.
Piper: So we can just consider this a friendly competition.
Phoebe: Sibling rivalry.
Piper: War.
Phoebe: Exactly.
1x07 The fourth sister

Prue: (to Phoebe) Your friend obviously.
Phoebe: Yeah, the dead one.
2x19 Ex libris

Phoebe: Can I just say I am absolutely enjoying this?
Piper: That's because you're not doing anything.
Phoebe: Not true. I've painted my fingers and my toes.
1x14 Secret and guys

Phoebe (to leo): if you dig your nose any deeper into that coffee your gonna need a snorkel.
4x10 A Paige from the past

Phoebe: Wow, Leo, you lost mum's ring. It's a good thing you're dead already.
3x12 Wrestling with demons

Phoebe: Piper it was an accident. It's not like I borrowed Prue's car, so I could drive it into a pole.
2x03 The painted world

Prue: Watch me.
Phoebe: Prue's party tips- meet, greet, and bail
1x03 Thank you for not morphing

Phoebe: Wait a minute. Life altering plans can not be squeezed in between 'pass the newspaper' and 'who ate the Special K.'
3x17 Pre-Witched

Phoebe: Well, you can't ignore that beautiful little girl of yours that we saw in the future, and if my math is right, you and Leo better start, you know, right about now.
4x07 Brain drain

Phoebe: What was that?
Prue: Ah, probably a zombie or vampire.
Phoebe: Great, where's Buffy when you need her?
1x20 The power of two

Piper: A White Lighter.
Phoebe: Yeah, they're sorta like, you know how Peter Pan has Tinkerbell? They're sorta like that minus the tutu and the wings.
1x21 Love hurts

Prue: Hey, what's going on?
Phoebe: Ah, you know, the usual, made some coffee, read the newspaper, walked in on Piper switching powers with Leo. You know.
1x21 Love hurts

Prue: Was it a demon?
Piper: No it was watermelon.
Phoebe: Honey, why'd you vanquish watermelon?
3x20 Exit strategy

Phoebe: I'm sure he's sorry. (to her tummy) Aren't you sorry? Kids at this age, they don't know any better, you know.
4x21 Womb raider

Prue: (thinking) We have to go kill a warlock while she gets to sit on some guys...
Phoebe: Hey hey.
Prue: You heard that?
Phoebe: Like I need a hearing thoughts spell to know what you're thinking.
2x07 They're everywhere

Phoebe: Okay Prue, we have had this conversation. You are not allowed to use your active power on me until I have an active power to use on you, remember?
3x01 Honeymoon's over

Phoebe: I'm making soup for Cole,
He'll eat it in a bowl,
I guess that's my new role,
Just making soup for Cole.
4x12 Lost and bound

Grams: All right, fine. You caught us. Congratulations. So what are you gonna do about it? Shoot us?
Phoebe: Easy, Grams. Not all of us are dead, remember?
4x01 Charmed again, part 1

Phoebe: Prue will never forgive us if we look bad at her funeral.
4x01 Charmed again, part 1

Phoebe: Okay, let's review. I play decoy, demon attacks. Piper freezes, you slice and dice until we get the demon sushi.
4x08 Black as Cole

Phoebe: Cole, you are useful, alive. Its just that now you have to be the brains behind the operation, not the brawn.
4x09 Muse to my ears

Leo: Okay, so what exactly are you doing now?
Phoebe: Basking in the brilliance of our failure.
4x09 Muse to my ears

Phoebe: Wait, I don't understand, shouldn't you wait until after you have kids to start fighting about them?
4x12 Lost and bound

Phoebe: Yeah, that's just in case you need psychic services while me and my new husband are busy getting busy.
4x15 Marry-go-round

Phoebe: Relax, boys, I'm here to cook not kill
4x20 Long live the queen

Phoebe: Oh, I don't know, I became queen of the Underworld and nearly died carrying baby Lucifer.
4x22 Witch way now

Prue: I don't like them, but I don't go running through the house naked screaming "run for your life" either.
Phoebe: Okay. That is such an exaggeration. I was wearing slippers.
1x15 Is There a Woogy In the House? Phoebe: "Don't worry we had safe sex.....alot of safe sex!"
1x05 Dream Scorceror Piper: No, I can do it, I can figure it out.
Phoebe: Piper, you're stranded and you're all alone and the only thing you have to protect yourself with is a wooden spoon that's broken.
1x12 The Wendigo

Phoebe (after Andras is knocked out of Belthazor): Mmmm, demon with demon filling.
3x07 Power Outage

Prue: I know what you guys are going to say and please don't talk
me out of it.
Phoebe: Okay, forgive us for not wanting you dead.
1x16 Which Prue is it anyway



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